Bill Whittle: Conservative Opinion | Humor

Rice University -- hey, that's a well-respected school! -- is leading the fight against white supremacy and landing a smashing a blow to the Patriarchy! How? By the introduction of AFROCHEMISTRY, by which the inequity and bias of chemical reactions can be examined and confessed to. Another huge win for Science Studies! Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

California -- well known for being on the bleeding-edge of planet-saving initiatives -- has been subsidizing solar power home installations for years. But apparently, human survival must take a back seat to an even more important crisis looming over all of our futures: LACK OF EQUITY. Don't miss this Möbius Strip of Left Coast Virtue Signaling! Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Unfortunately, the Peregrine lunar lander recently launched has malfunctioned and will not be making the trip. HOWEVER! Peregrin is privately owned, and other privately owned landers are on deck. Which raises the question: should space be FOR SALE? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

The Founding Fathers went to enormous trouble trying to find as precise a balance of power as was humanly possible -- and they succeeded. But has Congress abdicated too much authority to the Executive Branch? Or has the explosion of cabinet-level positions left the President with too little power? And what the heck are a Chief Executive's proper duties, now that you mention it? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Metabolize your OWN BODY using this one weird trick! Steve Green brings us the breaking news: there are now foods available -- without filling out forms or even a requiring a doctor's prescription! -- that are available OVER THE COUNTER and which are made out of REAL PLANTS! Just like celebrities eat! It's the crazy diet plan that's sweeping the nation! Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

From the recent introduction of police bodycam videos, one constant, infuriating theme emerges: serious charges, such drunk driving, disorderly behavior, criminal trespassing and even assault on police officers, are simply being DROPPED by prosecutors. We don't seem to be having any trouble catching criminals; the challenge seems to be making an arrest more than a minor inconvenience when we do. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

New York's Democratic governor, having heard mysterious tales of vast, hidden vaults filled with the knowledge of all things, decides to mount a Journey to the Center of the Language: the idea that individual letters make individual sounds, and if you know the sound each letter makes, you should be able to work out how what that word is and how to pronounce it. Phonics. It's called phonics.

On December 7th, 2023, Bill was invited to give the keynote speech at the Holiday Dinner for the American Freedom Alliance. In this 48 minute, unscripted speech, he develops in greater detail many of the themes that will be developed in the THINGS TO COME section at BillWhittle.com Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

2023 has been a miserable, terrible, very bad year for the Walt Disney company, with bomb after movie bomb coming in rapid succession. Park attendance is sharply down as well. Woke, in-your-face messaging is causing Disney's once-loyal audience to run away by the millions. Is it a deserved comeuppance, or an American Tragedy? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Computer engineers monitoring the widely-used Artificial Intelligence application known as ChatGPT have noticed an alarming trend: the formerly impressive responses generated by the software are rapidly becoming more boring, banal and simplistic. The computer guys seem mystified at what they got wrong, but Bill suspects that he knows what they got RIGHT. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

A message from Christmas of 2010, when the world was simpler, and I was just a wee whippersnapper. I spent all day looking for this and I'm glad I did, because despite all that has happened since then, every word of it remains true. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Scott Ott brings us an out-of-this-world, alternate-reality, sci-fi tale of schools that separate boys and girls and teach them as if they were somehow DIFFERENT from each other! [** MIND BLOWN!**] Luckily enough, both Steve and Bill have been to this Strange New World and report that conditions there are surprisingly well-suited for information retention and processing. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Iran's bought-and-paid-for Houthi pirates have concentrated at the top of the Red Sea, at the southern end of the Suez Canal. These are not dirt-poor Somali's racing up in a couple of wooden boats with outboard motors; these pirates are scouting their targets with reconnaissance drones and coming aboard unarmed merchant vessels by helicopter. And what do the mighty nations of the West do in response to these pygmy provocations? Well, the commercial vessels simply run away and add another 5,000 miles of water and twenty days of travel time to sail all the way around Africa. As far as The Most Powerful Navy in the History of the World is concerned, a sternly-worded declaration was made by the US Secretary of Defense, and a ten-nation coalition -- including the full naval might of Seychelles, the smallest and least-populated country in Africa -- are involved in Serious Discussions about building Multi-National Coalitions to combat the problem. Hooray for us.

Movie theater attendance has been trending down for decades, and took a near-fatal hit after Covid-19. So what are the big theater chains doing to get people back into seats? Why, encouraging them to use their cell phones more often! What could possibly go wrong? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Movie theater attendance has been trending down for decades, and took a near-fatal hit after Covid-19. So what are the big theater chains doing to get people back into seats? Why, encouraging them to use their cell phones more often! What could possibly go wrong? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

There has been a dramatic and alarming rise in the number of near-catastrophic collisions in what has been for 22 years the single great miracle of the modern age: the US Commercial Air Transport System, which has seen some 40,000 flights per day without a single fatality in twenty-two years among US carriers domestically. But true to form, the government is now insisting on lowering those hard-earned standards in order to promote diversity and inclusion... and unless tings change, and soon, we will once again start inclusing diversely horrific airline crashes into our lives once again. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

He’s not just a popularly-elected political opponent! HE IS THE END OF EVERYTHING WE HOLD DEAR AS A NATION AND MUST BE DESTROYED BEFORE HE CAN ENACT HIS GENOCIDAL FASCISTIC POLICE STATE BEFOE IT’S TOO LATE!!! The Left does not know what to do with him, so they keep escalating the hysteria in the hopes that someone will listen. One is temped to ask, though: since he has already served four years as President, where are all the death camps?

Remember how shocked you were when 'shocking' became the cultural norm? Well, we are shocked -- shocked! -- to report that that particular pendulum may in fact be starting to return toward such now-shocking ideas as 'civility,' 'seemliness' and even 'dignity.' Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

After pro-Palestinian protestors glued themselves to the street during the Thanksgiving Day's Macy Parade it's not as absurd as it sounds... especially given the fact that since the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich, the Palestinians have show an almost supernatural ability to make the worst possible impression on world opinion. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Scott Ott brings us some astonishing news: it turns out that if you break an apple down into its components and consume all of them, it is not as healthy for you as ACTUALLY EATING THE APPLE. Turns out the world is not only more complex than we imagine... it's more complex than we CAN imagine. Now how do we get the Big Brains in Science, Politics and Economics to understand something so simple and obvious? Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

Well the kindly folks over at HAMAS have helpfully put together a list of companies that you must boycott in order to STOP ZIONISM NOW! By the way, feel free to go and bake a casserole or change your transmission fluid while Steve runs through the list of things that we must all give up in order to support the continued decapitation of Israeli babies. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

How badly have Joe Biden and his so-far-left-they-have-disappeared-due-to-the-curvature-of-the-earth Progressive base damaged their once formidable, working-man brand? Badly enough, apparently, that they are no longer taking the Black vote as a given. This of course opens tremendous possibilities for Republicans... if we are smart enough and courageous enough to seize them. Our track record on this is not exactly illustrious. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

A violent, uncontrolled flood of democracy has broken out in Argentina! Fortunately, we Americans have a trustworthy news media on hand to remind us of the threat posed by unapproved candidates. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

The blinkered souls who saw the SpaceX second Starship test as a failure -- and there are more than a few of them -- are to dim to realize one of the fundamental laws of science and engineering. Failure is your friend, and the only true sin is making the same mistake twice. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/

You would think that the politicians who swore an oath to defend and protect the Constitution should have at least some basic idea of what it's all about. Join our crack team of elite anti-elitists by becoming a member or making a one-time donation right here: https://billwhittle.com/register/