10 months ago

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Heart Issues – Part 6b
Inner Vows

By Pastor Gary Wayne

Text: Matt.5:33-37, James 4:13-17

What is an inner vow?
A promise I make to myself, like a foundation in my mind and heart then forgotten.
Our inner being retains inner vows, like programming, and even when life changes, that inner vow stays programmed into us to behave a certain way under certain circumstances.
A distinctive mark of an inner vow is that it resists the normal maturation process.
They resist change, and we don’t outgrow them.

Inner vows usually don’t manifest themselves immediately in behavior.
They rest forgotten and dormant, until triggered by the right person or situation.
Having forgotten them, we are unaware they exist or have any effect.
Yet over time, they begin to manifest outwardly in several ways. Impulsive anger, hatred, guilt, compulsive behavior, resisting responsibility – can point to inner vows.

They are like the armor we wear in the hope it will protect and empower us.
But they were forged from judgments, it chafes constantly and attracts more hurt and abuse. That armor binds and hinders us even when we want to be free.

Let me illustrate - A common happening for men is they learn as small boys that girls are the ones who tell on them.
Sometimes they learn that mom has a memory like an elephant – and whatever you say can and will be used against you.
When they allow their soft emotions to show, mom will use these as a source of control.
What are people’s response to a boy when he cries - Big baby!
So boys learn to hide from their mothers, from girls – the less they know the better.

Often, he makes an inner vow – “Never share what you really feel….”
Later on, when he starts dating, he may actually find it easy to communicate until he is married.
Something about marriage puts one in a position that trigger our inner vows.
Now her complaint is “He won’t tell me anything anymore.”
Unknown to them, an earlier defense programming has kicked into action.

Many men are unaware that they are not sharing themselves, gradually becoming more estranged from their wife and family.
Lacking him, she may be emotionally wilting and dying and may eventually find other places like church or a club – or worse - to find sharing and fulfillment.

In women, the most common inner vows actually have some of the very same roots - don’t share who you are – but manifest themselves differently.

Little girls want to be the apple of their daddy’s eye.
They somehow know they are God’s gift to ravish their daddy’s heart.
In God’s design a father should builds confidence in what it is to be a woman.

Often a wife fulfills her husband from her own sense of beauty and desirability.
If she knows she is a precious gift of God to him, she can bless him.
If she doesn’t and therefore requires constant stated approval and affirmation it wears them out.

Unfortunately, all too many fathers are unaware of their value to the family.
Too many times little girls have run into their daddy’s presence only to be ignored or pushed away. “I’m Busy! What do you want?”
“Do you like my new dress?” “What did that cost?”

Many have seen their mother’s heart crushed again and again.

From repeated neglects and slights, little girls vow, “Don’t share.” “Don’t let anyone close enough to hurt you.” “Don’t let him really have or know all of you.”
In frustration they vow …”See if I ever”….

Then throw in cases of molestation by some trusted man – father, grandfather, stepfather, brother, uncle… etc.
From the moment of molestation she may fear to let the beauty of what she is shine.
She may become either frigid or promiscuous, but behind both clings the same root – an inability to giver herself fully to the man of her life.

Inner vows come in all shapes and sizes. OVERHEAD

While inner vows do lie at the root, seldom are they the sole factor.
They work in tandem with bitter roots, hidden resentment, fear, and lies my heart believes.

How do we break inner vows? It helps, but is not necessary, to remember our vow.
If the fruit is there, the root is there.
Ask the Lord to bring to your memory any vows you have made that harmed you and may have been forgotten.

If you know the vow, - They can be broken by the authority given us by Jesus.
“In Jesus name I break this inner vow.”
I sever all connections with every evil power attached to this vow – In Jesus’ name I break their hold, their power and effect in my life.
Jesus help me to change the way I think in this area.

Forgive – both those who have hurt us, and ourselves.
Confess and repent for sinful reactions that led to us making wrong vows.

We need the Holy Spirit to help us.

INNER VOWS THAT PEOPLE COMMONLY SAY / MAKE:

I WILL NEVER ________________
…let anyone love me
… be weak
…trust anyone
…allow myself to depend on someone else
… let them take anything away from me
…allow anyone to touch me
… share what is mine
… allow anyone to give me money
… write, read, understand
… allow myself to be hit
… go out at night
… let you see who I am
… let anyone know I hurt
… let a man control me
… be responsible for actions of others
… receive a compliment
… participate in life
… allow a woman in my heart
… be anything worthwhile
… be sick
… be violent or abusive
… grow up