Kevin Pollak Chat Show Danny Masterson #148 (originally posted 5/28/2012)

Resurfacing an old Danny Masterson interview where he jokes about sexual assault.

11:20 Pollak introduces Danny.

12:00 Pollak asks Masterson about Ireland and Danny explains that he just got married over there in October in a manor house.

13:17 Danny makes a throwaway joke about kiddie porn.

13:30 Pollak brings up Danny’s DJ name, DJ Donkey Punch. This is one of the main things I remembered from having previously watched this episode. When Tony Ortega first began reporting the story of the criminal charges involving Danny, one of the early bits of context was Danny’s DJ name. It triggered my memory of this podcast. Danny says he began DJ-ing in 1997 or 1998 and didn’t want to have a generic name. He chose the Donkey Punch moniker back then, which was before the name was so well known on the internet. Danny thought it was funny when his name would be printed in a paper like the Wall Street Journal, which he says happened for years before people realized what it meant. Danny says he then started putting asterisks in the word to censor it, and then went to “Donkey Pizzle” when P Diddy changed his name.

15:17 Danny talks more about the Donkey Punch name and what he thought it meant when he adopted it. This part is very creepy to watch in retrospect. Danny says he thought a Donkey Punch meant “a shot to the ribs that made them cough to release the back muscles”. Danny says the current definition involving punching someone in the back of the head is not the Donkey Punch he knows “because that’s violent”. The line about violence is a deadpan joke, but it still has a sting to it knowing what Masterson is now accused of and on trial for.

16:15 They show a clip of what appears to be an indie movie. Masterson is playing a divorce attorney named Morris “The Executioner” Rodriguez. The clip reminds me of the Tim and Eric show because it is very over the top and made to look like a low fi local commercial.

16:40 Danny’s catchphrase as the divorce lawyer is “I will rape your spouse… (pregnant pause) financially”. Again, very unsettling in retrospect.

16:50 Scene with actor Samm Levine playing a happy client of The Executioner giving a testimonial about how he took his wife to the cleaners and got to keep all of his stuff. “The Executioner really took that slut to the cleaners”. Yikes.

17:02 The next scene is Levine’s character’s ex-wife dressed in a trash bag looking through a garbage can. “Why didn’t I hire The Executioner?” Masterson’s character walks on screen and says “Because you’re an idiot. Don’t make the same mistake. Call now!”

17:16 Superimposed on the screen we see a local TV-esque graphic: Morris “The Executioner” Rodriguez 555-RapeSpouse

17:44 Back to a two-shot of Masterson and Pollak chatting. Masterson explains that his brother Chris directed the “commercial” they just watched a clip from which is part of a movie called Made for Each Other. In reading the IMDB for the film, it sounds like it is a very ribald comedy film. IMDB described the plot as a man in a sexless marriage trying to find a partner for his wife so he can get rid of her. Or something. It came out in 2009 and has 4.4 stars out of 10 on IMDB and the top review sums it up thusly: “It’s a guy movie, with the usual sources of humour: penises, erections, anal intercourse, homosexuality, vaginas, periods, menopause, old people having sex, young people having sex, plus a quick flash of authentic testicle.”

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1051241/

Made for Each Other IMDB.

17:57 Danny lists the cast of the film, including Bijou Phillips (his wife who he had just married) and a guy named Kyle Howard. Danny relates a story about Howard’s testicle popping out during filming and that they, which I’m assuming means he and his brother Chris, told Howard they wouldn’t use the footage of the testicle. They put it in the film, anyway. Apparently Howard only has one testicle in real life.

18:40 During a pretty cringy discussion of private parts in comedy films, Danny makes a joke about how beautiful Jason Segel’s manhood is in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

21:30 Pollak asks a question that was sent to him from Danny’s co-star Adam Bush. Bush asks Danny’s advice for the best way to make a move on a girl once you’ve got them back to your place.

21:44 Danny’s answer is again very chilling if you’ve been closely following the trial. “Oh, you just invite them for a shower.” Pollak asks if this is because she needs to clean herself and Danny says yeah, you just say let’s clean ourselves together. In one of the alleged sexual assaults, Danny took a woman into a shower. The woman testified that she was intoxicated, possibly roofied, and Danny stuck his fingers down her throat to induce vomiting. The woman testified that Danny then dragged her to his bed and raped her while she was falling in and out of consciousness.

23:54 In an otherwise boring bit of the conversation, Danny explains he got into golf a year and a half ago because his friends explained you can drink and gamble.

32:30 Danny talks about doing radio at a station called Indie 103.1 for 6 years. It sounded like there was some friction between Danny and the programmer of the station. An Entertainment Weekly article in October 2008 described how Danny’s show got pulled after creative differences.

https://ew.com/article/2008/10/06/danny-masterson/

Entertainment Weekly article on Masterson’s radio show ending.

36:15 Discussion of Havard & Stone, a bar owned by Danny, his brother Chris, and Mark and Jonnie Houston. The Houston brothers are fraternal twins who have a hospitality business based out of LA according to their website. Harvard & Stone appears to be still open based on social media and Yelp reviews. Danny says it’s the best bar in Hollywood and features the best “mixologists” which I remember being a term that was in vogue at the time along with “molecular gastronomy” and “gastro pub”. The Obama years feel positively Victorian now.

http://houstonhospitalityla.com/

The Houston brothers’ website.

38:50 Danny describes growing up and being a model from ages 4-14.

39:20 Danny did a Broadway show at age 8 called Dragons.

40:10 Danny did many national commercial spots. Did 150 commercials before stopping at 16. Got the Beethoven movie, which was his first studio flick. Then got a show called Joe’s Life which was on for one season before Home Improvement. Worked on Roseanne and Party of Five. Cybill for two years.

41:35 Mom Carol is Danny’s manager. Danny says some people think it’s funny, but it’s awesome because they’re friends and all of Danny’s friends are friends with her and she talks to them as peers. Carol manages all the other actors in the family and she also has other clients. Tried a big management company for two years but his mom did a much better job. The Masterson clan includes Chris Masterson, who was on Malcolm in the Middle; Alanna Masterson, who was on The Walking Dead and Jordan Masterson, who was in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Carol appears to be a momager of the highest order.

46:00 Extended discussion of Danny’s new show Men At Work. Ethan Suplee guest stars in the show. Pollak does too, playing a role they describe as a “Ukrainian Hitler impersonator”. J K Simmons is also a co-star. Suplee is another celebrity Scientologist.

48:00 Danny jokes about having a threesome in the show with actress Stacy Keibler. He makes some pretty heinous jokes, including referring to the threesome as a “Ber-dude-a Triangle” and an “Eiffel Tower”. For good measure, Danny tosses in a sheep sex joke.

48:45 Awkward transition to an ad read for the ManGrate grilling system. All I could think of during this ad was the great Norm Macdonald’s hilarious read of the ManGrate sponsor promo. ManGrate pulled their ads because Norm goofed on the product. 51:30 Discussion of a buddy cop TV pilot Danny did with Ethan Suplee that had production issues. Danny describes there being a “political” issue with the producers that caused them to replace Suplee. It would be interesting to know if Scientology played a role.

54:20 Malcolm in the Middle and That 70s Show conversation about how both shows were popular on Fox at the same time and Danny was on one and Chris Masterson the other.

54:50 Danny talks about how Fox up fronts were fun during this period as he and Chris got to rage it up. I can only imagine what sort of shenanigans they got up to.

55:00 Long segment on poker.

57:10 Danny mentions he owns a piece of Card Player magazine. There’s quite a tally of businesses owned by Danny mentioned in this podcast. Card Player magazine is still a going concern with daily stories on their website.

59:30 Pollak brings up Bunny Wiggins, which is apparently a film that Danny has been trying to get made for a while. Danny says it is one of the greatest scripts of all time, and Brie Shaffer wrote it. Shaffer was Danny’s assistant and friend. Shaffer has been mentioned many times in both sexual assault trials. She was in proximity to some of the alleged incidents. Tony Ortega has also written articles about how Danny transferred some of his homes and property to Shaffer shortly after an accusation. One can make an inference this was because Danny wanted to shield the property from legal jeopardy.

https://tonyortega.org/2022/09/18/this-week-in-danny-mastersons-case-grand-jury-testimony-and-evidence-against-scientology/

1:01:00 Discussion of Carsey Werner which is a big time production company responsible for The Cosby Show. I point this out because there are obvious parallels between Danny and Bill Cosby. Danny talks about how they got him all his best gigs and were also involved in him booking That 70s Show. Danny talks about the audition process for That 70s Show. He read monologues as various characters, including a gay redneck character. Pollak asks Danny to do some of the gay redneck, and Danny wisely sidesteps the request.

1:04:00 Danny describes how he booked a job in Yes Man as Jim Carrey’s best friend. Jim Carrey is tangentially tied to Scientology because he dated a woman named Cathriona White who was a Scientologist. White took her own life in 2015. Tony Ortega has written about White and Carrey several times, including an article about how Scientology spied on Carrey.

https://tonyortega.org/2015/10/06/scientology-spied-on-jim-carrey-to-get-him-on-purif-says-former-exec/

1:05:00 Fan questions. Kunis or Prepon? “I’ll take them both”. Kutcher or Wilmer? “I’d fuck them both”. This Danny guy is a wordsmith. A regular Bill Shakespeare I tell ya.

1:12:00 Conversation about Danny’s clothing store Confederacy with stylist Ilaria Urbinati. Urbinati is one of the top men’s stylists in Hollywood. She has also been mentioned in the Masterson trial. Jane Doe 3, one of the accusers, said Urbinati was her roommate at the time of her assault.

https://tonyortega.org/2021/05/20/day-three-of-the-danny-masterson-prelim-jane-doe-3s-cross-examination-continues/

https://twitter.com/yashar/status/933402971911663618?lang=en

Journalist Yashar Ali tweet commenting on Urbinati’s social media post about sex trafficking. Ali, a New York Magazine contributor, criticized Urbinati for her hypocrisy as an ardent Scientologist in an organization that has also been alleged to be trafficking humans.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Deuxmoi/comments/qf6gjw/scientology_what_celebs_were_you_shocked_to_find/hi0ii2j/

Reddit post in thread about which celebrities you were surprised were in Scientology. User NRoc1 commented about how Urbinati was part of a Hollywood clique of Scientologists that included the Masterson clan and how disgusting it is that they support Masterson given the alleged assaults. The comment is replied to by another user named kamlm2000 who claims to know Urbinati and NRoc1 responds with an anecdote about how one of Masterson’s accusers turned to Urbinati for support and was abandoned in favor of Masterson. I certainly got the impression that the commenters in the thread were very familiar with Urbinati and her crew. The entire thread is worth checking out as there is a lot of inside baseball about lesser known Scientology celebs.

1:14:15 Discussion about Danny being on Twitter. Uses it to promote his work and bands that he likes.

1:16:00 Terrible game segment called Who Tweeted? Where Masterson and Pollak guess which celebrity tweeted a statement. Goes on for way too long. Segment has a jingle and graphic and it mercifully ends at 1:23:25.

1:23:40 Pollak sets up a plug for Qloo.com (pronounced “clue”) which is yet another Danny Masterson investment vehicle. This is another one that seems like it is still doing well. It’s described as a “cultural discovery platform” in a Baltimore Sun article from March 2013 that also confirms that Danny was one of the initial investors, along with Cedric the Entertainer and Kindler Capital. According to investment site Golden.com, Qloo just raised $15,000,000 in a series B funding round in August 2022. I also came across a snappy ad for Qloo from 2012 on the Qloo YouTube page which only has 22 subscribers that stars Danny, Cedric the Entertainer and actress Alex Breckenridge. Breckenridge may also have some ties to Scientology.

https://www.baltimoresun.com/la-fi-tn-qloo-inspiration-engine-20130317-story.html

Baltimore Sun article on Qloo.

https://golden.com/wiki/Qloo-X4MWBW

Golden funding round timeline on Qloo.

Qloo YouTube ad with Danny.

1:24:00 Danny describes how Qloo works and how you tell the app your favorite things and it finds bars or events you might like in different cities.

1:24:51 Danny mentions La Poubelle as a restaurant that Qloo would recommend. This restaurant came up as the place where Danny encountered one of the Jane Does during trial testimony recently, so my ears perked up when I heard him mention it.

1:26:25 During this extended native ad for Qloo, Danny is describing all the recommendations Qloo can make and references how it can recommend strip clubs. Danny then comments that he always goes to Scores.

1:27:48 Co-host Samm makes an unfunny off-color joke about how Qloo should recommend to his friends that they should buy him an Asian sex doll. I really didn’t even want to mention this, but Danny then talks about how he’s in a movie “kind of about that”. It’s called Hot Bot, and the Polish brothers, Mark and Michael Polish directed it. Strangely enough, this movie actually exists and has a plot that revolves around a sex robot. The movie looks pretty awful and has a 3.3 rating on IMDB and this is the plot synopsis: “Hot Bot is the hilarious journey of two sexually repressed and unpopular teenage geeks who accidentally discover a life-like super-model sex bot.”

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2854394/

IMDB for Hot Bot with Danny Masterson.

1:31:00 Another bit called “The Larry King game” where the guest does a Larry King impersonation while relating a random anecdote and then going to a caller in a city as was the style of the late, great Larry King. Danny’s random anecdote as King is, “I like to use my suspenders to choke off my balls while masturbating.” This guy is non-stop creepy.

1:32:56 The credits for the podcast roll. Jason Calacanis is the second credit and is listed as the Executive Producer. I thought this was interesting as Calacanis is a Silicon Valley gadfly who was an early investor in a lot of successful startups like Tesla, Uber, and Robinhood. It just reinforced for me that there were a lot of plugged-in people in the orbit of the Kevin Pollak Chat Show. It is also pretty obvious throughout the episode that Pollak and Masterson are well-acquainted and overlap in the same influential tech and Hollywood circles. It also seems rather noteworthy that Scientology never came up despite there being a slate of Scientologists mentioned. I’d imagine that either Pollak thought better of it because they are friendly. They may have discussed it before the appearance.