Forgiveness is complicated

Forgiveness is great. I'm all for it.

Not forgiving or holding onto grievances sets you up for a lifetime of pain and limitations.

Jesus told his disciples to forgive 70 x 7 when they asked him how often they should forgive somebody.

Almost every religion is about love and forgiveness, that they're more important than anything else.

Love and forgiveness are probably versions of each other.

Love is who we are.. And forgiveness is more of an action word or an act of love

So this part is simple.

But in reality forgiveness is actually very complicated unless you are a child.

Children hurt and upset each other, and the next minute they are each other's best friend.

I think we lose that easy flow of love and forgiveness somewhere before age 10…

After that, it becomes hard work.

We need religion to preach it to us…

By getting it shoved down our throats, it only adds to our feelings of inadequacy, not feeling loveable or fatally flawed.

What I've discovered in my 20 years of clinical work is that clients often ‘gaslight’ themselves when it comes to forgiveness.

They tell me "Oh, I forgave John, or Pete or Paul a long time ago… its all in the past…its not an issue anymore."

But I know that they're stuck midway somewhere because I see the energy of their body which is screaming out for help… to be set free from the initial grievance as well as the years of effort to ‘rise above it’, ‘be a bigger person’… to ‘let go’

One thing worse than not forgiving is to trick yourself that it’s all done and dusted when it isn’t.

See forgiveness is not just a sentence that you say to somebody.

It's a process that requires you to bare your soul to yourself so you can become open to a much greater truth, one that will set you free.

Religions tell you that you must do it but they forget to tell you the instructions to have maximum impact.

In this video, I will attempt to help you process forgiving someone who’s hurt or damaged or injured you.

I need to do this exercise as much as you, so let’s do it together and see what happens….

Take your mind back to a situation in which you felt misunderstood, cheated on, insulted, or injured.

Now explore what happens inside your body as you remember that event.

A time when you got harmed or exploited.

Tune into the sensations of your body right now.

These are the clues your body is sending your mind about the emotions you experienced.

For example, shock:

Another clue might be a tightness in your chest

….feeling locked up inside…

…. scared.. like we have nowhere to go...

Or falling into a blackness that goes on and on….

Simply register what is happening for you now as you remember that event.

These barely recognizable or misunderstood emotions are very suppressed

Or repressed..

Don’t make them go away now, or the damage becomes permanent.

Welcome them in like old strangers.

Because it is these feelings, very deep in our subconscious mind, that form the barrier to forgiveness.

We can easily deceive ourselves by turning forgiveness into an intellectual process.

But you can’t force forgiveness.

You can’t willpower your way into it or around it

And you waste years of your life if you believe that time heals all wounds.

It doesn’t....

Forgiveness without releasing these pent up emotions has very little chance of materialising.

Once you have given your body a chance to get the garbage out of your system, forgiveness usually turns up naturally

True forgiveness is a sign you have done your inner work of listening to your body, being clued in, and staying with what comes up till it starts to ease and release.

The process is so simple and so rewarding because you truly feel liberated..

Your mind and body are now free to focus on the life you desire, without bumping into glitches, feeling constriction or pain.

The other myth about forgiveness is that you require an apology or an acknowledgment of responsibility from the offending party.

I am here to tell you this doesn’t create your forgiveness.

See the problem is you make your state of forgiveness dependant on somebody else’s opinion or attitude.

That is NOT HEALING.

Healing happens with doing your inner work..

Most people don’t want to go there because they're afraid of getting hurt or re-traumatized.

But the reality is that we need to release all those frozen bits of energy that we carry with us everywhere.

So if you are stuck, come and have a session with me or scream in a cushion, use a punching bag, chop wood, journal, sing, cry or dance.

You might need a few goes at it.

Jesus did say: forget 70 x 7, so he knew that you have to keep at it.

Trust me, you can’t get it wrong.

You will know your forgiveness is complete (for now) when you can thank the Universe for that painful experience or hurtful event.

With love, Grada

PS: if you are stuck or frozen in past pain, please don't waste one more precious day and book in for a session.

call 64283007 you will feel so much lighter and happier!