2 years ago

To tell the truth
I've lost count of the amount of sexual encounters
But in the end when all is said and done
What really counts
Is what it all amounts to
Subtract the time taken away
By each night and each day
Minus the cheap thrills
And expensive bills
And it doesn't add up to much
I'm left still counting on finding the one for me
Take away the sex
And I'd still do it for the company
So what really counts

What it is to be less young
Less wild and carefree
Still smiling
Less naive
With all that said
I still find myself spending time in bed
With women I really have no business being with
Time that would've been better spent being with my kids
But at the same time without that
My two offspring wouldn't even exist
Seems every time I cease and desist
Out steps another seductress
On a mission to please and persist
And my addictive personality
Makes good sex a thing hard to resist
Especially when I mostly get back
Only half as good as I give

I'm like
What type of bad behaviour is this
Slipshoddiness
Sloppiness
Slovenliness
Perhaps therein lies what the problem is
You never know what you're going to get
And it's all a little bit too hit and miss
How easily we forget
And retrospect doesn't appear to be stopping this
Solving this

In my reconnaissance
I've lost sight of how many abortions
I've played a part in over time
I've often contemplated if god is watching
Sees it as murder
And we'll all be tried for our crimes
In this life
With it forever weighing on our minds
And in the afterlife
Standing before all the faces
Of the lives we denied
Having to explain why
Why they were forced to die

As said
You never know what you're going to get
Speaking of which
death is a high price to pay
just to get your needs met
Dick wet
Pussy wet
I often say unprotected sex with a stranger
Is like a game of Russian roulette
But what's stranger
Is how I all too often seem to forget
With each new conquest
Developing a case of amnesia
when it comes to that latex

I told my young teenage son to save sex
And if you don't son
Make it safe sex
Keep in mind I'm too young to be a grandparent yet
And so is your mum
Now he's the same age as I was when I started having fun
And his sister and him are only apart by 10 months
So my wise advice is like a double contradiction
When looking at my life and the things that I've done

Maybe I'll be an old romantic
Still believing in love
And that one day it'll come
Maybe I missed it
Maybe I jinxed it
Dismissed it well before it begun
Maybe I'm an escapee
Injured
Still hurting
In pain and on the run
Loaded shotgun

Nevertheless
I've just left the boudoir
Of yet another woman
I know in my heart isn't the one
And I'm looking back at myself
From the bathroom mirror
Like really?!
Is this the greatest we can do
Chasing and impregnating women
Who aren't even in the faintest
Concentrating on you
Talking marriage and babies
When you only just started dating
There's a place for people as crazy as you

I'm unimpressed
Maybe you'd be better dressed
If you didn't invest yourself so much in sex
The way that you do
In future keep your clothes on
Perhaps you'll see less stress
And be able to get more ahead
And progress
The day that you do
And yeah
You say that you do
But from where I'm looking from
Lover boy
I pray that you do

Phoenix James is a London based writer, poet, actor, spoken word recording artist and producer.

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