LITTLE TURDS OF WISDOM

Ya know what the little bumps are on a woman's nipples. Brail for "suck here".

If Barbie is so popular, why do ya have to buy her friends?

Boy, that was some fart...Air that sucker out.

She notices an injured skunk on the ground so she has Joe pull over so she can take it to a shelter...

Mommy, Mommy can I lick the bowl. No...flush it like everyone else.

I'm in a bar one night and this fat chick comes over to me and grabs my ass...

I remember when I was a little girl and learning to dress myself...if ya wanna know what happened, watch...

Do you know that bi-sexuality automatically doubles your chances of getting laid on a Saturday night

My cousin Fred was a bio-scientist. He spent years looking for a cure for bad breath and smelly body order. Then he realized people didn't like 'im anyway.

Missy Wang, voted most beautiful girl in all of China...By blind Chinese war veterans.

One of my girl friends in high school had a baby in her senior year in December. We called the kid Christmas accident.

My doctor said there was no such thing as an anal deodorant.

I told ya a thousand times, I don't think we're throwin' that dog high enough.

My gas was shut off, my electricity was shut off then my cell phone. Now I'm one step away from being Amish.

What's a taxidermist. He says, "I mount animals." I yelled to the rest of the bar, "It's ok, boys, he's one of us."

What do ya call a woman with one leg? Eilleen.

She says to the stewardess, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm not movin'".

A terminal illness is when you get sick at the airport.

As a special project next week, the Boy Scouts will be picking up trash along America's highways.

My doctor is very concerned that I'll reproduce.

If no one knows when a person is gonna die then how can ya say he died prematurely.

I'm in Walmart one day and a friend calls me on my cell phone. I said, "I'll call ya right back. I'm in Walmart and I wanna get out of here before someone takes my picture."

I told the doc I was seeing spots before my eyes. He said, "Have ya seen a doctor?" I said, "No, just spots."

My sick arm, see. It's been dead for years. One of these days it's gonna fall off and I'll never miss it.

I asked 'im, "Why do you hang deer heads on your wall?" He said, "Because I love deer"...