jeffdrex

Parent Like You Mean It: Rooting for the Visiting Team http://ow.ly/i5Xz50G6qZP People who disagree with us shouldn't be feared, hated or avoided but lived at peace with, as much as humanly possible #parenting #ParentingAdvice #CivilDiscourse #sports #LibertyOrDeath #PatrickHenry I love sports. I mean, I really love sports. I love playing sports, watching sports, and talking about sports. I spend most mornings listening to three hours of sports radio and most evenings at least checking out whatever sporting events might be on any of my TV service’s 19 dedicated sports channels. I love the sights, sounds and smells of taking my family to the ballpark, whether it be sitting along the third baseline at an Angel game or sitting in a lawn chair at my son’s flag football game. My “addiction” was most revealed early in the pandemic, when I found myself watching replays of the 1977 MLB All-Star Game, collegiate SpikeBall and the only live sporting event that was available: professional corn hole. In fact, as I sit here writing this right now, I’m listening to professional ultimate frisbee! As a football fan in San Diego, I really miss the days when the Chargers called America’s Finest City their home. As a Kansas City Chiefs fan, I REALLY miss the days when I could make the short drive down the 15 freeway to see my Chiefs trounce the home team. To this day, New Years Day 2017 still holds as one of my son’s favorite days when we got to see our Chiefs wallop the Chargers 37-27 in what would be the final Chargers game at the Q. And, in hindsight, it was the end of more than a sports era. It was the end of a societal era. You see, on that day, and for years and years prior to then, we could stand in a sea of powder blue clad fans decked out in our Chiefs gear, rooting for our team at the top of our lungs, exchanging high fives with the guy three rows back who also happened to be wearing all red and taking the ribbing from the Charger fans as the game ebbed and flowed. The lines for hot dogs and beer were dotted with fans on both side of the NFL aisle, as was the pre-game tailgating and at the end of the game, whichever team came out on top, we all filed to our cars side-by-side, exchanging friendly “good games” and “We’ll get you next time!” My dad and I shared a similar experience as I wore my Angels gear to the Seattle Kingdome back in the 80’s, and my dad encountered the same rivalry-filled friendliness when he’d wear his Pirates gear to sit next to me along the third baseline in Anaheim. In almost all sporting events, rooting for the away team is actually kinda fun! Except when the Raiders are involved. I once had tickets to see my Chiefs play in Los Angeles against the silver and black, when – luckily – a good friend of mine – a die hard Bronco fan – warned me against going. He said he could not imagine how much money was wasted on beer that was poured over his Elway jersey instead of consumed by the Raider fans in the seats behind him. Then again, maybe it was better that they had poured it on my friend instead of drinking EVEN MORE. Anyway, all this sports nostalgia got me thinking about the 1972 Presidential Election. Leading up to the McGovern / Nixon decision, Richard Nixon promised to work toward “peace with honor” in regards to the Vietnam conflict. The more radical George McGovern wasn’t making any such promises, but rather said that he would withdraw all American troops immediately whether or not US POW’s were released. As the wife of a recent Vietnam Veteran, my mom voted for the Republican. Her dad, a dyed-in-the-wool, staunch Democrat, did not take kindly to his daughter’s “rebellion” at all. And, like those Raider fans I mentioned, Papa didn’t hide his animosity toward the opposition. Papa didn’t even speak to his own daughter for six months after that election. Simply because she voted for the other guy. Never mind that she had a new, and may I say adorable, baby – his only grandson… Papa cut us out of his life for half a year. Now, he did eventually come to his senses and it cost him. He showed up with a mink and cashmere coat in hand more compelling than his gift for my mom was his sincere apology. And, of course, she hugged him and all was made well. But, my point is that we, as a society, more closely resemble my unapologetic Papa and Raider fans when it comes to today’s hot topics than they do Charger fans or my mom. Gone, it seems, are the days when civil discourse was held with Evelyn Beatrice Hall’s quote as its backbone: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”. In other words, “You do you, I’ll do me, we can discuss, and even vehemently disagree. But at the end of the day, founded in our common decency and humanity, we will be at peace with one another.” But, what if our perspectives are so diametrically opposed on life or death issues? What if we are at odds with the very nature of our societal systems such as education, parenting, the economy and governmental authority? Well, in my mind, that’s when I think of a quarter. On one side, I see a Bald eagle – our nation’s symbol – with its wings spread and our motto E Pluribus Unum: Out of many, one… all under the banner of the official name of where we live: The UNITED States of America. These elements may be symbolic, but they reinforce what we, as a nation, and as individuals, have represented for over 200 years: We may disagree, but all of our various opinions are unified as one people. Then, on the other side, I see an embossed portrait of George Washington – our Founding Father who gave his all in order to secure a future for our generations without tyranny and warned us of such division when he wrote: “It agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption…” You see, as I think of where we are at today, where I see family members refusing to even speak to their own parents, brothers and sisters… where I see neighbors and fellow church members spewing venomous rhetoric in the direction of those who dare disagree with them, I see President Washington’s warnings, I see our call for unity as a country, and yet I’m also reminded of another founding father, Patrick Henry who exclaimed the famously inspirational words: “Give me liberty… or give me death!” We ought to be free to non-violently disagree. We ought to be understanding enough to hear the other side without resorting to creating chasms between us. We are called, by God, Himself to: “As much as you can, live in peace with all people”. And, if it offends you for me to quote the Bible in regards to all the tumult we see in our schools, neighborhoods and churches, all I can do is refer to one of the great orators of our time, the great David Puddy, when he found himself confronted by his girlfriend, Elaine Benes: Elaine: Is it a problem that I’m not very religious? Puddy: Not for me. Elaine: Why not? Puddy: I’m not the one going to hell. Look, my point is this: are we going to fall prey to Washington’s warnings and allow our disagreements to cause an irreparable rift between anyone and everyone who disagrees with us, or will we acknowledge that, if nothing else, we are all human beings, Americans even, with rights, freedoms, intrinsic value, and worth fighting for… not against. And just as important, this is the behavioral pattern I want to set as an example for my kids. It’s what I’d like to see exemplified in other adults, as well, so that our kids… ALL our kids… will grow up with an understanding that people who disagree with us are not to be feared, hated, or even avoided, but to live at peace with, as much as humanly possible. And, when we reach the breaking point beyond “humanly possible”, my hope and prayer is that in that very moment, someone extra-human will step in. History has proven that He will. And, all I’m saying at that moment is that you don’t want to be the one going to hell. Check out more Parent Like You Mean It videos at www.ChristianPodcastCentral.com

Love and accept each of your kids in such a way that they never feel the need to run around looking for it somewhere else... Here's how! So, I just turned 50. But, this isn’t about my birthday. It’s about my kids’ birthdays. In fact, that moment right there is about all the attention my birthday has received in the past 18 years. You see, my oldest son’s birthday falls two weeks before mine, and since he typically enjoys a “birthday month”, I enjoy a figurative Passover instead of a holiday of my own. Couple that this year with his 18th and then his high school graduation, and well… well, enough of my griping. I really want to talk about my kid’s big day. And his brother’s big days. Sure, they were months ago, but that means they’re coming back, right around the corner, right? But, in regards to my oldest, according to the law, my little buddy is now a full fledged adult. He can enlist in the military, he can vote, he can donate blood, he can buy lotto tickets, he can drive up credit card debt, he can elope, he can get divorced, he can be sued and charged as an adult, he can fall victim to predatory lenders, he can legally do illicit things in Mexico and get a life-long regrettable tattoo. Yup. He’s a grown up. Yet, he’s not done growing up. Luckily, for me at least, he still needs my wife and I to pay for his college, his cell phone, his insurance, and his room and board. In fact, just last week, he still needed me to tie his tie, press his shirt for prom and go with him to traffic court. (For a really bogus bluetooth ticket, but we’ll save driver’s safety for another episode) Anyway, my point isn’t about what makes a kid an adult. My point is about the needs of my nine-year-old, my 13-year-olds and my 18-year-old sons. They need me. Yes, they need my money. But, more importantly, they need my time. They need my efforts. They need my words. They need my hugs, high-fives, arm around their shoulders and even kicks in the butt. Gary Chapman calls these Love Languages, and he boils life down to five of them: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch. In a nutshell, they’re the ways that each of us express and respond to love and acceptance. As a parent, the trick is to figure out each of our kids’ primary languages and grow fluent in each of them. And, to make the trick even trickier, you have an 80% chance that theirs is different than yours, and there’s no such app as a Relational Rosetta Stone. I can vividly recall when my relationship with my own dad broke down. At its core, I needed my dad to tell me he was proud of me, while he wanted me to voluntarily clean the pool or mow the lawn. Plus, he thought I took all his efforts for granted while I thought he never heard a word I said. And the ugly merry go round went round and round. Then we read Chapman. And no, we didn’t live happily ever after, but we have learned to understand each other - and others - better than ever. So, now, I’m the one driving the minivan. My youngest’s love language is quality time. So, among other things, I make it a priority to go with him to the skatepark every couple of weeks. And not just take him there and read a book, but to actively be part of the experience, even though my hard core skating days are but a speck in my life’s rear view mirror. Additionally, any time I run errands or take the van to the car wash, I offer to bring him along. That’s all it takes and this kid is on cloud nine. But, his older brother is quite different. It’s pure joy for me when I hear my teenager offer to take his little brother out on the back of his bike for an afternoon ice cream run. “My treat” is his code for “I love you, little brother… just don’t tell anyone.” However, love languages go the other direction, too. While a steady stream of “atta boys” and “I love you, sons” builds up my other 13-year-old like nothing else, a negligent, “Stop being so useless” cuts him to the quick in a heartbeat. You see, if you withhold or simply don’t express love in a way that they understand, it actually says to THEM that you DON’T love them. Now, I agree with what you’re thinking right about now… it can be exhausting trying to figure all this out. Imagine being tossed into the world’s most critical job and you have just a handful of years to become fluent in five different languages. And worse yet, if you don’t, you’re fired and forced to see your replacement speak, write and sing with an eloquence rivaled only by Shelly, Keats, or Lennon/McCartney… or for my teenagers, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun You see, the best advice my father-in-law ever gave me was an answer to a question that I asked long before we had any kids of our own. I was marveling at how all three of his adult kids were not only considered “golden children”, but they undoubtedly had a love and respect for their parents like I had never seen. “How’d you do it?” I asked. “What’s your secret?” “It’s really simple actually”, he said. “Love and accept each one of them in such a way that they never have the need to run around looking for it somewhere else.” Yeah… simple he says. I’ve never felt so “simple”. But, what he meant was basic at its core: If your kids aren’t feeling loved and accepted at home, they will run around looking for that feeling of love and acceptance, and not always to the most healthy of places. On the extremes, this partially explains why a 13-year-old would join a gang or why a 15-year-old girl would sneak out and lie about where she’s been and who she’s been with. And, as I just said, it’s about THEM FEELING loved. The fact that YOU feel like you’ve provided for them or have always said the right things doesn’t matter at all. Strictly speaking your love language to your kids is like waxing poetic in english to someone who only understands Silbo Gomero (Google it… Silbo Gomera... it’s actually a really interesting language). Then, there’s the issue of the totality of their world, especially their friends, teammates, girlfriends or boyfriends. The better you can connect with the other people influencing your kids’ lives, the more comfortable your kids and their friends will be around your home. And this will all pay off when the “fit hits the shan” in any of their lives and they feel at ease coming to you for comfort and even advice. Like I said… exhausting, right? And I haven’t even scratched the surface on THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT of all this. You can work feverishly, night and day, day and night to figure out and become fluent in all your kids and their friends’ love languages… but if you’re not setting a constant example of connecting with your spouse - speaking their love languages and them speaking yours, visible for the world to see, then all your work with your kids is in vain. You absolutely MUST not just speak, but shout, sing, LIVE OUT your bride’s love languages for her and all the world to see and hear. Now, I can hear some of you right now: “Holy cow, this is too much. My kids are already in high school or even fully grown with their own families. It’s just too late.” Sorry. You don’t get to skate on that one. It’s never too late. As I mentioned earlier, this stuff didn’t even dawn on my dad and I until I was in college and we have a phenomenal relationship today. And, in full transparency, there was a terrible breakdown in all this between my oldest son and me last summer, but with some very intentional work, my “little buddy” is now my “big buddy”... partly because of our relationship, and partly because he’s now taller than me! So, now you’re arguing, “Where am I supposed to find the time for all this?! I’ve got a mortgage and a car payment. Plus, my kids can be downright annoying sometimes. The last thing I feel like doing is some nonsensical touchy feely garbage.” But, this isn’t about what you feel like. It’s about the character that you’re developing in your kids today so that they can be strong men and women of character tomorrow. It’s so that their spouses and children - your future grandchildren - will do whatever they can to spend time with you, not out of duty, but because they want to. Because they’d love to. And, I never said any of this is easy. But, it’s necessary. It comes down to priorities. If your only incentive is a possible payoff 20 years from now, becoming fluent in multiple languages in record time may not land on your life’s front burner. But, what if I offered you $5,000? $10,000? A week in Cabo? If the reward is great enough, I’m certain you can make it a priority. And, I guarantee you that if you choose to reach out to your spouse and kids by learning their love languages, the payoff headed your way FAR exceeds umbrella drinks and sunburn. On a final note - my primary love language is Words of Affirmation. My oldest son’s is Giving and Receiving Gifts. So, on top of the presents we already gave you for your 18th birthday, son, all I have left to say is: “Happy birthday, Buddy. I love you and I’m proud of the man you’ve become.” This is Parent Like You Mean It. Thanks for watching. Thanks for indulging me. And son... you still owe me a birthday present!

We want our kids to know that we care about them and for them to care for one another. And there’s no better way to express all that than around the family conference table… over tacos (or pasta, or lemon chicken… whatever is on the menu).

We're faced with a plethora of situations today where us adults and our kids are bombarded with one "matter" after another. The trick is categorizing and prioritizing which matters matter more than the other matters, assuming they matter at all.

A commercial during the Olympics reminded me of just how sick and tired I am of the fear mongering going on all around us. There has got to be another way!!

The “powers that be” keep changing what words mean – sometimes to the point where they mean nothing at all! And the effects of this willy-nilly redefinition of terms have huge implications on our kids’ lives!