paintabeautifulpicture

- It is normal to have anxious moments, but it is not normal for it to be a chronic issue. - Give thanks! Be thankful. - Keep a journal, burn it after some time if you need to. - Acknowledge how you feel, and deal with it in a healthy way.

- BREATHE - Get to the root of the issue - Speak truth to yourself - God hears you!

- Offer support and help - The issue of denial - Say what you mean and mean what you say - Healthy communication - Don't be discouraged that you are dysfunctional, but don't stay there either!

- Everybody has dysfunction. Every family unit has dysfunction - How do you deal with people who are self-destructive? (4:09) - Rejection or betrayal as a coping mechanism. - Finding middle ground in a dysfunctional family. - I think that there is validity to saying that a certain level of dysfunction isn't healthy for me. So I can associate with you right now. I don't choose to talk to you right now, I'm going to be taking a break from this relationship for a while. I actually believe that's really appropriate. If there's someone in your family who's such a severe alcoholic, or such a radical drug addict, that every single thing they do is self destructive to the level that you can't handle it. And it's affecting your mental and emotional well being or that of your children. You're definitely in the right to say I just can't handle this right now. Really, truly, it is not a problem to be self protective, or to protect one's own family unit.

Challenge Question: - Are you just carelessly running through life, doing whatever you feel like and whatever comes next, without much of a sense of purpose or intention to continue to learn and develop? - Why personal development is important for being a good parent. - Personal development vs professional development. - If they don’t have any training, there’s no chance they’re going to make it to the finish line. (1:19) - It takes 18 to 20 years (or more) to raise a child.

Challenge Question: - Whether you're a foster parent, or a young person, think about what kind of parent you will become, or a parent of your very own children. Are you consistently kindly, consciously contributing to their lives? To giving them a good life? A healthy life? a productive life? A happy life? A life of meaning? - How do you deal with young people who have never had a life? (2:05) - Let them know that there are privileges and opportunities. - Life is rich and full and fun. - Establishing the foundations of a normal life for a child. (8:22)

- When you have a foster child, you need to acknowledge that they haven’t always had a fair deal. (1:13) - Foster children need a stable home and two parents. - Setting limits for everyone in the household. - The same rules apply to foster children. - Foster children will quickly pick up on discrepancies. - Show each foster child they are important and valuable.

- Why are you a parent? If you don’t know why, you may struggle with your purpose. (0:01) - The importance of purposeful parenting. - The joys and challenges of being a foster parent. - Purposeful parenting with a seven year old. (7:06)

- Loving the unlovable is a difficult reality. - many times, foster children have been abused or neglected or both. They have often experienced horrific trauma. (1:38) - What to do if you don’t like how it looks. (3:33) - Being understood can go a long way. - Setting limits is an act of love. - It is the adult's responsibility to love.

This is the first of a five- episode series that I am doing this week on the topic of fostering children and adoption. Challenge Question: Are you prepared for the unexpected? Even if you've been doing this a while, it doesn't mean that there isn't more unexpected stuff coming soon, so are you prepared for this? Are you prepared in your mind? Are you prepared in your spirit? Are you committed at the emotional level to continuing on, even when this is very difficult, and quite challenging? In this video: - Some of the unexpected things a social worker can't prepare for. - You can expect that you are dealing with a traumatized individual. This is a normal expectation. - Be mentally prepared for adjustments. - Be committed to showing kindness, being consistent and being gracious.

Challenge Question: - Have you been anywhere that really challenged your perception of the world? Do you have friends or visited people or people groups or nations that challenged your view of the world? In this video: - How to teach kids to consider another point of view. - Listen respectfully to someone else's different vantage point. - They broaden our horizons externally and internally. (5:53)

- Nurturing mental health, both for yourself and your children. - How to take care of a child's physical health. (2:01) - Self-control, self-esteem, boundaries, and mental health issues. (4:52)

- Mental illness in family. - What is Schizophrenia? - The most common diagnoses. - You are still responsible for your behavior no matter what. - Most human beings have crazy ideas at some point. - The importance of paying attention to your own child.

What is your happiest memory? Don't we all love a happy ending? Love is a battle. Love is a challenge. Love is a sacrifice. Love is a lot of things we don't want to talk about. Living and loving within the context of a family... how do you do it? 1. Look at the people around you realistically. 2. Accept and cherish people in spite of the "bad" stuff 3. Babies are a LOT of work! Babies are messy - yet we love them! 4. Love gives - it does NOT take and take and TAKE! It gives itself for the well-being of the other. Challenge Question: Are you living in a loving home? Are your children growing up in a loving home?

ALL families (and individuals!) have some level of dysfunction... even mine! The question is, how to handle it. It takes love, organization, commitment, and management in order for a household to function smoothly. What do I do about dysfunction? 1. Admit there is a problem 2. Be honest about challenges (we all have them) 3. Confrontation & discussion 4. Commit to doing things differently - an action plan 5. Stick to the agreement - consequences when you don't 6. Relational things - get help, be accountable, consequences 7. Learning to DO IT differently 8. Take responsibility, seek forgiveness (extend grace & forgiveness)

Ways to teach your kids - By EXAMPLE! Follow through... consistency Straight facts Use Word Pictures/ Use Illustrations Rote learning - memorization Challenge Question: How am I doing at being an effective teacher in my child's life?

"I don't want to!" A sore heart - moods of sorrow - not for any good reason! It just happens! Anger does NOT help, folks. We don't need to get in a bad mood WITH someone. Bad moods are a part of the human experience. Psalm 56:8 God keeps our tears in a bottle Our response to a weepy day - hold us, be near us. express love to us verbally Do not tell your kid to stuff or deny their emotions Share life with those whom you love - ALL of it! The laughter AND the tears... Learn how to cope with - HANDLE - your sad days. Participate in self care - eat well, surround yourself with supportive people. Acknowledge it is normal, get support, take care of yourself!

Every day is NOT the same! Sometimes we are just in a bad mood! "How consistent am I in my moods & character?" Hormones!!! Blood sugar, being tired, the weather, SAD - lots of things affect our moods! Love your kid when he/she is in a bad mood! Discuss the ebb and flow of life with your kids - let them know what "normal" looks like. Activity, music and food can effect one's mood You can handle days, no matter your mood!! Challenge Question: How well do you handle your OWN moods?

In the midst of chaos - look for those moments of joy! Nature, pets, people, music, calm reflection, great news! All can bring joy! Small treasures - a child's eyes Sights, sounds, tastes, fragrances, sensations

Challenge Question - Are you the battery pack in your kids' lives? Are you encouraging them and teaching them the value of "keep going"? QUIT never needs to be a word in your kids' vocabulary Dyslexics can have trouble with 2 handed skills Teach your child - You will keep going, you cannot quit "I'm proud of you!" Celebrating perseverance Recognize the reward - skills gained, contributing to others' well-being, being a team member Academic skills - NOTICE and recognize ALWAYS show up!

"I can't!! It's too hard! I don't want to!" Consequences for "I can't and I won't!" Repeat "You can! And you will!" Doing what you really do not want to do teaches perseverance. A timeframe - set limits and measures Some of this is on YOU as the parent Teach them to say, "I can! And I will!" Do not let everybody in the whole group LOSE! Harnessing the will - overcomi8ng fear Reward progress with a celebration Challenge Question " Do I have a 'Can DO!" attitude? Do I believe this 'can do!' attitude is a skill I can develop in my child?" You CAN be a good parent - I believe in you!!!

Born with a chip on your shoulder - poor, poor me! What do you do to help a child with this grumpy attitude? OR "How to Parent the Perpetual Pessimist" 1. Notice when they do it right - PRAISE them! 2. They need another story - tell it to them! 3. Give them tools to cope - another perspective! The bigger picture... feel the feelings, but do not wallow - Get UP! Be a cheerleader! If you are a cranky soul - parallel learning - FUNCTION in spite of it! Challenge Question - "Do I have a whiny child? What am I going to do about it?"

Laughter is healthy Kidders - jokesters - often show love with their playful side Jokes can be a sign of affection Know that there is a time and place for jokes - and seriousness Family Jokes

Gaining perspective in the midst of a really rotten, horrible, terrible bad day!! Life is 100% attitude! Bad things happen - are going to happen - But what is your attitude? A great story for your grandkids - perspective We ain't got much, but we have each other! Celebrate normal, regular life!